How do I proceed

So, I had my pep talk with my friend who helps me put things in perspective at least this one particular thing. 

I have often been told I have to do what makes me happy. But what's makes me happy does not make God happy. There's a conflict. It's not about me anymore. But if my heart isn't right then I am doomed anyway right? 

Is this where I endure and continue to apply self control? So why do I want to cry!!! I am tired of this feeling!!!  I feel like I have no one to talk to!! I feel so lonely!! 

I have to figure it out, I hate hearing those words!!!! Wish it would all go away!!!! 

Suicide is so ideal, but would anyone really miss me!!!! Or just miss what I do for them!!! 

Am I missing the big picture here, being strong take such a toll! I just want to be weak for a change. Let someone else be strong for me!!!! I am getting tired, I want to lay down and give up! 

But no one is listening!!!!!