Saturday, January 30, 2016

Worth much more!!!!

I think last night was the last straw. I've been called names....again!!! Among other things
"You just want to be a common nigga"
"You gotta stop fu*king up"
"Why you messing up the marriage?"
It's goes on! 
I can't do it anymore, I am worth much more than this!
I don't think my self esteem have been so low! I feel worthless! Spineless!
 My spirit is broken and gone because of this man! 
I've thought of Suicide because of this man! 
It's no reason for anyone to talk to people like this. 
I have to do something just don't know what that is yet!! 

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

My Fantasy

Where do I start! We all have them, some good some bad. So, what do I fantasize about!!??? 

I fantasize about being loved correctly. Someone who wants to take care of my mind, heart and soul. 

Someone whom I can stand being around and look forward to seeing at the end of the day! Someone who makes me melt, smile like a child because I am so happy and satisfied. Someone who fills my heart with joy regardless of what hardship we might be going thru! Someone who is respectful regardless of how angry, mad or upset they are at me! Someone who strengthens my weaknesses instead of breaking me down more. I can go on and on. But you get the picture. 

I honestly don't think that is going to happen. Which leaves me in an unhappy state. Most times I feel numb, just going thru the motions of life and marriage!  This the rest of my life you're  talking maybe eternity!!! In any event I want to be happy!! 

Friday, January 22, 2016

Fork in road

I feel like I am at a fork in the road! A decision needs to be made about my life and happiness! 

I know I don't want to be married anymore at least to the current person I am married to! I really think I have outgrown him. As far as being friends are concerned that's fine but the marriage part, I want to give up-badly!!!! 

What do I do? Thought about separating for a year but I have no where to go and neither does he.

I am sure he will be perfect for someone else just not me at this time if ever!! 

I wish I could run away, permanently! I am just tired! Tired, tired!!!