It's been a long time since I posted anything. What has happened since then. Quite a bit. He is still drinking. I met up with a long time friend. My first boyfriend. We keep in touch. Umm. I've been threated, called out of my name, "whore" to be exact. We did start swinging again.. not much but did meet someone while doing so and i really like him.
Here I am feeling lonely and defeated. Sometime wishing I would just go away. I hate having a bleeding heart and a conscious. I really don't want to be here but he makes sure that I say things to ensure that I stay. Like asking me not to leave him, am I going to leave, Do I love him.. you know all the normal stuff. My mind says no, my body says no.
I feel like my life was taking from me. We met when I was 14 years old, Thinking on everything, I don't think he had any intention of really taking care of me. I have been the pillar of this family the whole time.
We are not on the same page in life. He hurts alot in every since of the word. Angry with everyone BUT loves his family. The kids, no doubt.. Me... another story. Not saying he doesn't love me, it's the way. I have learned not all love is equal.
Well, I finished real estate school. I failed my first exam. I re take it next Saturday. hopefully I pass, been studying like crazy. But I already see it. I will work my butt off while he enjoy it. Says he wants to stop drinking and will get help after my benefits kick in. We will see. I don't get excited on words anymore. Tired of being disappointed.
This new guy... wow.
Nice, has his own business. Can hold a conversation... but don't think he likes that fact that I am with my husband... granted. I hate this situation. i want to move forward with my life but don't seem to be able to do so. What will move my feet? I don't know.
