Saturday, December 31, 2016

Just beautiful

my niece posted this about her relationship! I thought was just beautiful!!!

AND I get to kiss him at midnight tomorrow night!!!
Lifelong commitment is not what everyone thinks it is. It's not waking up early every morning to make breakfast and eat together. It's not cuddling in bed together until both of you peacefully fall asleep. It's not a clean home and a homemade meal every day.
It's someone who steals all the covers. It's sometimes slammed doors, and a few harsh words, disagreeing, and the silent treatment until your hearts heal. Then...forgiveness!
It's coming home to the same person everyday that you know loves and cares about you, in spite of and because of who you are. It's laughing about the one time you accidentally did something stupid. It's about dirty laundry and unmade beds without finger pointing. It's about helping each other with the hard work of life! It's about swallowing the nagging words instead of saying them out loud.
It's about eating the cheapest and easiest meal you can make and sitting down together at 10 p.m. to eat because you both had a crazy day. It's when you have an emotional breakdown, and your love lays with you and holds you and tells you everything is going to be okay, and you believe them. It's when "HBO and chill" literally means you watch HBO and hang out. It's about still loving someone even though sometimes they make you absolutely insane.
Living with the person you love is not perfect, and sometimes it's hard, but it's amazing and comforting and one of the best things you'll ever experience.
Go ahead and share a picture of the person you love and copy and paste this, make their day.

I read it and agreed and ask, well whats wrong with me to where I don't appreciate my relationship! I thought hard and I said the difference is I'm not in love with my husband, I love him but not in love! My heart has been scared by his words to where I don't feel anything he say or allow anything he do touch my heart anymore!! He tries and that's good but I don't feel the affects anymore!!! πŸ˜•πŸ˜•πŸ˜•

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

How should one feel

So every now and again hubby and I talk about how we should not be together because we are so so different! Talking, talking, talking then he says "He doesn't believe in destiny but that I was destined to be a "hood rat"! WHAT!! 😱😱😱 those words just echo in my head!!! I can't do this!!! No one should insult you, especially your spouse!! And I use that word loosely! He is just someone I live with as far as I am concerned!!!

Monday, December 26, 2016

Feeling Devilish

Ha, so just sitting and thinking I should contact hubby's ex-girlfriend and tell her to come get him! She's been DYING to marry him! Should tell her here's her chance!!! 😈😈😈😈😈😈

Saturday, December 24, 2016

I wish!!!!

"It Would Be You"

Listen. Pinch me if I'm dreaming
As a matter of fact, I take that back
Let me lay there... inside of your love
Listening to your heartbeat
Girl ain't no feeling better than feeling on your body
Girl don't you move a muscle, I just wanna touch ya
If you ever took your love away
I can truly say I'd die right here today
Don't give me the world... I just want my girl

[Chorus: x2]
If I could have anything, I'd put it on everything
That it would be you you you you
I just want you u u

You are my love and my love for you girl
Is all that I need if I had nothing more
Than our love, I'd be just fine with our love
Your shoes can't be filled they cannot wear your heel
The truth is in you girl there's nothing else real than our love
I'll be just fine with our love
Woman if you ever took your love away
I could truly say I'd die right here today
Don't give me the world, I just want my girl

[Chorus: x2]
If I could have anything, I'd put it on everything
That it would be you you you you
I just want you u u

Now what would I do, where would I be?
If there was no you, there'd be no meeee
Now think about that girl
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh yeah
What would I do where would I be
If there was no you there would be no me
Now think about that girl think think think

Going thru changes



Goon' Thru Changes"

Ooohhh yyeaaah aaww baby yeeeaa
I wish that I could stay, but staying here confuses me more
So I'll go cause there someone else who cares for me like you do
You are my friend and I don't wanna cross the line It's so easy to make you mine
I keep you pushing you away cause you give me what I miss at home

I'm goin' thru changes and how do I let you go... (let you go)
My mind is goin' thru changes... (going thru some changes) yeaa yeaa
And I can't let you go

Please don't touch me there temptation wants to rule me
I can't do what my body is calling out for I'm so confused
You know what I like and you wanna give me all of you
And I think about it too but I keep goin' thru these changes
Cause there's so much that I miss at home

I'm goin' thru changes how do I let you go... (I gotta get it together)
My mind is goin' thru changes And I can't let you

Aaaaaa I know what you want, I know what you want
Everything about us will change... gonna chnage
Everything I feel says here with you... I wanna stay here with you
I don't really know what to do... I don't know what to do
I can't get nothing at home... nothing
Every time I think about it I'm so confused... so confused

I'm goin' thru some changes...
I'm goin' thru changes how do I let you go
My mind is goin' thru changes (some changes) And I can't let you

I'm goin' thru changes(don't know what to do... don't know) how do I let you go
My mind is goin' thru changes (goin' thru some changes) And I can't let you

I'm goin' thru changes...

Under Different circumstances

If my circumstances were different...would you marry me?

Friday, December 23, 2016

whats on my mind

I have so many things running thru my mind! I have a plan on how I want to execute my exit! But of course I need money! Which I'm working on! I recently became a notary and registered my name! I looked into it and Signing Agents are very popular in the notary game! They make good good money!! So that's my ultimate goal work wise!

Also, I need my own car and an apartment!! That might be challenging but will get done! $400 will definitely need to start divorce proceedings! As much as I try to rationalize and be reasons about this marriage I can't see myself staying! There is so much I just don't want to overlook and I shouldn't! Being imperfect is one thing but living with someone who, in my opinion, mentally and emotionally takes advantage of you is just too much to bear! Yes communication is great and telling each other how you feel about things is wonderful! But when the love is gone and you look at them with disgust and regret and you get no fulfillment from sex anymore! Have to think of other people just to climax, I think it's time to move on!! Regardless of the pain to come! 

I don't want anyone looking over my shoulder every time I move! I hate whiny people, we all do it from time to time but come on pull up your britches! Or everything that comes out of your mouth is a complaint! Oh, I have a good one for you! How about starting an argument as soon as I walk thru the door OR while I'm mid-sleep! Yes, so I was turning over on my other side, he said love or good night and I said the same then he accuses me of calling him someone else's name!!! 😱😱😱 then says how do I know I didn't call him someone else's name! Boy bye!! It's definitely time to go!! No hugs, kisses, do you want a cup of coffee, breakfast!!! Argue why I'm only eating once a day... When something is wrong, respond with "What's wrong NOW!!" What are you serious! And this is suppose to be my LIFE LONG partner! Nah I'm good! Nothing's wrong! 

I'm trying not to concern myself with finding someone else!! It comes up of course but I need to be with me! If I happen to stumble upon someone suitable for me great!! Until then trying to enjoy the great moments I have and work on creating more! My moments alone are my best! Peaceful! And yes I still have my imaginary friend riding in the car with me when I play my music! Smh! it works for me! I sing and smileπŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—! 
What the future holds I don't know!!! I just know I gotta get moving or nothing will change!! I have to bite the bullet and let it burn!!!