Miss it so much

What do I miss so much....

The passionate kissing 👄👄

The love making

The excitement of seeing the one your in love with 👀👀

The skin to skin cuddling

Sitting and saying nothing while listening to music🎼🎼🎼

Seeing love in the person's eyes😍😍😍

Saying "I love you" and really meaning it

Rubbing my fingers through their hair (or dreads in this case) lol

Fantasizing about spending the rest of my life with them!!!!!

But now it's all a memory!!!! DAYUM!!!! 

☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

Jehovah's Protection

I named this blog this is for one reason only!!! Because that's what I believe in my heart wholeheartedly that's what it is...why????

Today as alway, running around as usual! Taking everyone to work, running errands, blah blah blah! The "norm" 

To keep myself from going too too crazy about my feelings, I knit! It keeps me somewhat calm except I overthink and get super emotional and want to cry! 

So today after dropping my son off work, I get home and realize my husband has been drinking again! How do I know, his mannerism is different, the things he say and the way he says it is different! The frustration and disappointment begins! 

When he gets like this I would rather not be there until it wears off!!

So he says what he always says! Why don't you go get some.... Yup...he's talking about that! 

He knows I want it and at the same time NEED it! But me trying to stay away as much as possible...so far so good! I ignore him as usual but agree to shut him up! He says he wants me to get out the house, tired of seeing me knit all the time! Go have some fun!!! 

Yeah right!!!! What fun!! 

Anyway....so I leave...asks a couple of my girlfriends what are they doing! One responded back that she (happened to be my ex-girlfriend) was in pain because she had hand surgery last week! She is there alone!!! Thoughts start running thru my mind, not good ones!!! 

 I'm still frustrated now....thinking about how I've been feeling about my marriage and how I have so disappointed with it! But trying to honor and respect it as much as possible! 

Today, I felt like I was at my breaking point... So after Shoprite and the beauty supply store, I was headed over to Bloomfield to get hubby some food but that also where "she" lives at the moment! My thought was to stop by.....😈😈😈😈

But at that moment (at the light where I could go straight to Bloomfield or turn back towards my house) my daughter texted and said she was ready to go to the Congregational Picnic in Livingston!!! In my heart of hearts I believe that it was my Jehovah God telling to "No" you need to be around the friends! "Spiritual Friends" 

So I got my daughter and went to the picnic!! 👼🏾👼🏾👼🏾🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

There have been other instances where "no" was the answer! 

He knows how frustrated and disappointed I am with my marriage but I believe He is telling me this is not the way to handle it!!! 

I made up a saying,"Rejection is protection!" And so far that has been the case!!! 

I am trying to endure-it's not easy especially when you live with the person!!! So I knit, endure and talk to my God to sustain me! Every now and again I cry!! Something gotta give!!!  

I think that's all, if not I'll post more

Thank you for listening!!!! It's always appreciated 

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

Caring too much?

Is there a such thing as caring too much for someone! I was told I wear my heart on my sleeve. When I care/love I do it hard! And I guess the person knows it!!

At this time in my life I feel like I am caring for the right person but at the wrong time!!

Sometimes I sit and cry because of how much I care!! Why because I can't go any further with these feelings! I find myself going off into places I shouldn't and say why am I doing this to myself!!! Get over it and move on- everyone has!!! But I can't or don't know how!

My life isn't terrible but it's not ideal for ME! I want it to be MY LIFE and it's not! Other people are involved!!! ...and part of their feelings are in my hands!! 

If I would have only met you 7 years ago!!! But no need in thinking about the past!!! 

Stop Over thinking

I have to stop sitting and over thinking to the point of crying! I do this too often!!!

Need an R n B riding buddy

I love R n B but have no one to enjoy it with! Looking for someone who will be my R n B riding buddy!!!

Will it be you??

At this point

I shouldn't want to take sleeping pills not to be with my husband, but that's where I am! When he drinks his personality is not agreeable with me!!!! Then he wants to do the do! I don't think so!!!! 

Suffocate

Suffocate"

Now even though I try to play it off

I'm thinking about you all day long

And I can't wait for shorty to come through

From your lips and back up to your eyes

My hands on your hips when we grind

I'm fantasizing bout what I'm gonna do to you

Got me fiening for her love can't lie

Man you should see how she got me

Spending all this time with her

And I couldn't leave her if I wanted to

Her love turns men into fools

Tell me what a man is to do

Cause I can't breathe when you talk to me

I can't breathe when you're touching me

I suffocate when you're away from me

So much love you take from me

I'm going outta my mind

I can't breathe when you talk to me

I can't breathe when you're touching me

I suffocate when you're away from me

So much love you take from me

I'm going outta my mind

Whenever we up in this bed

And my fingers fall in your hair

I wonder if you feel me watching you

Cause I can't go a night without your loving

Got me looking at this phone

Every time it rings I hope it's you girl

You got my bracing for your love

And I fallen for you I can't lie

I just wanna be with you

Yes she got me there I said

And somebody call the paramedics

Tell em to hurry up and come through

Cause I can't breathe when you talk to me (can't breathe)

I can't breathe when you're touching me (when you touch me)

I suffocate when you're away from me

So much love you take from me

I'm going outta my mind (I'm going outta my mind)

I can't breathe when you talk to me

I can't breathe when you're touching me

I suffocate when you're away from me

So much love you take from me

I'm going outta my mind

Don't ever leave me girl

I need you inside my world

I can't go a day without you

And see nobody else will ever do

I'll never feel like I feel with you

Cause I can't breathe when you talk to me

I can't breathe when you're touching me (when you touch me)

I suffocate when you're away from me

So much love you take from me

I'm going outta my mind (I'm going outta my mind)

I can't breathe when you talk to me (oh when you talk to me)

I can't breathe when you're touching me (I can't breathe when you touching me)

I suffocate when you're away from me

So much love you take from me

I'm going outta my mind (I'm going outta my mind)

Oh no no I can't breathe

Oh no no I can't breathe (I can't breathe)

Oh no no I can't breathe oh no

I need it badly

Need someone to make love to me

This emotion is getting out of control 

How I feel