Friday, December 23, 2016

whats on my mind

I have so many things running thru my mind! I have a plan on how I want to execute my exit! But of course I need money! Which I'm working on! I recently became a notary and registered my name! I looked into it and Signing Agents are very popular in the notary game! They make good good money!! So that's my ultimate goal work wise!

Also, I need my own car and an apartment!! That might be challenging but will get done! $400 will definitely need to start divorce proceedings! As much as I try to rationalize and be reasons about this marriage I can't see myself staying! There is so much I just don't want to overlook and I shouldn't! Being imperfect is one thing but living with someone who, in my opinion, mentally and emotionally takes advantage of you is just too much to bear! Yes communication is great and telling each other how you feel about things is wonderful! But when the love is gone and you look at them with disgust and regret and you get no fulfillment from sex anymore! Have to think of other people just to climax, I think it's time to move on!! Regardless of the pain to come! 

I don't want anyone looking over my shoulder every time I move! I hate whiny people, we all do it from time to time but come on pull up your britches! Or everything that comes out of your mouth is a complaint! Oh, I have a good one for you! How about starting an argument as soon as I walk thru the door OR while I'm mid-sleep! Yes, so I was turning over on my other side, he said love or good night and I said the same then he accuses me of calling him someone else's name!!! 😱😱😱 then says how do I know I didn't call him someone else's name! Boy bye!! It's definitely time to go!! No hugs, kisses, do you want a cup of coffee, breakfast!!! Argue why I'm only eating once a day... When something is wrong, respond with "What's wrong NOW!!" What are you serious! And this is suppose to be my LIFE LONG partner! Nah I'm good! Nothing's wrong! 

I'm trying not to concern myself with finding someone else!! It comes up of course but I need to be with me! If I happen to stumble upon someone suitable for me great!! Until then trying to enjoy the great moments I have and work on creating more! My moments alone are my best! Peaceful! And yes I still have my imaginary friend riding in the car with me when I play my music! Smh! it works for me! I sing and smileπŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—! 
What the future holds I don't know!!! I just know I gotta get moving or nothing will change!! I have to bite the bullet and let it burn!!! 

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