Today as alway, running around as usual! Taking everyone to work, running errands, blah blah blah! The "norm"
To keep myself from going too too crazy about my feelings, I knit! It keeps me somewhat calm except I overthink and get super emotional and want to cry!
So today after dropping my son off work, I get home and realize my husband has been drinking again! How do I know, his mannerism is different, the things he say and the way he says it is different! The frustration and disappointment begins!
When he gets like this I would rather not be there until it wears off!!
So he says what he always says! Why don't you go get some.... Yup...he's talking about that!
He knows I want it and at the same time NEED it! But me trying to stay away as much as possible...so far so good! I ignore him as usual but agree to shut him up! He says he wants me to get out the house, tired of seeing me knit all the time! Go have some fun!!!
Yeah right!!!! What fun!!
Anyway....so I leave...asks a couple of my girlfriends what are they doing! One responded back that she (happened to be my ex-girlfriend) was in pain because she had hand surgery last week! She is there alone!!! Thoughts start running thru my mind, not good ones!!!
I'm still frustrated now....thinking about how I've been feeling about my marriage and how I have so disappointed with it! But trying to honor and respect it as much as possible!
Today, I felt like I was at my breaking point... So after Shoprite and the beauty supply store, I was headed over to Bloomfield to get hubby some food but that also where "she" lives at the moment! My thought was to stop by.....😈😈😈😈
But at that moment (at the light where I could go straight to Bloomfield or turn back towards my house) my daughter texted and said she was ready to go to the Congregational Picnic in Livingston!!! In my heart of hearts I believe that it was my Jehovah God telling to "No" you need to be around the friends! "Spiritual Friends"
So I got my daughter and went to the picnic!! 👼🏾👼🏾👼🏾🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
There have been other instances where "no" was the answer!
He knows how frustrated and disappointed I am with my marriage but I believe He is telling me this is not the way to handle it!!!
I made up a saying,"Rejection is protection!" And so far that has been the case!!!
I am trying to endure-it's not easy especially when you live with the person!!! So I knit, endure and talk to my God to sustain me! Every now and again I cry!! Something gotta give!!!
I think that's all, if not I'll post more
Thank you for listening!!!! It's always appreciated