Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Me, myself and I

So I've been focusing on me lately! Focusing on the things that are in my control! Focusing on making it to my happy place in life! Not letting the things I can't control get me emotional, just letting  it roll off my shoulders and move on!!! Right now it is what it is!!! Trying to learn to be happy with me! I do what I need to do to get thru the day!!

Whenever I drive I use to feel happy singing my R&B, now they are just another song!!! Maybe one day I'll be able to sing the songs I love to someone! That's a big maybe!!! Until then, it's about me!!!

It's my turn to be happy!! I think I deserve it!!!

Friday, March 17, 2017


So, with my new job I make $13/hr and get paid biweekly! My first pay i netted $737 and Gross $8XX can't remember! But that's only for 64 hrs! Man next pay will be 96 hours!!!! WHEW!!! 

Anywho, I was sitting and thinking! I can file for divorce with one check! Awesome! Still need apartment! Aarrggh!!!! Thinking studio since most only ask for one month, I think!!!! 

Slowly but surely! 

Was thinking to help him get a car, that way he can do inspections! I won't feel too bad!! But still concern with kids, yes they are grown but still my children! Their care will always be my concern!!! 

Sunday, March 12, 2017

My spirit is leaving

Several things are going on:
First, it's has come to me, probably not the first time, that all he wants to do is f@@k and drink! Although he has said that on several occasions! Don't know why it's hitting me now! 

Also, we talk about how we don't belong together and it's like putting a bullet in our heads just to stay and tolerate each other! But he doesn't want to let me go, understandable! But here's the kicker, he said, on more than one occasion how he believe I was destined to be like my family! Sleeping with anyone, have babies by anyone, be nobody, on welfare and happy!! My heart sunk!!!! I've been in a zombie state all day!! Nothing matters anymore!!! Just hear those words echoing in my head!!! 

He also said he was over his head with me when it comes to love making because he knows nothing about that!!! And I'm over my head when it comes to dealing with him!! Says I want things simple and easy, yes, yes I do! 

Trying to figure out how to pick myself up! All I have now is to allow Jehovah to get me thru this! No one should have to live with such negative talk!!! It's sucks the life out of a person! I'm trying not to be self destructive! Trying to hold on to the little bit of care I have about life and the people around me! Once the ball starts rolling with paychecks of the new job I should be okay!! I have to remember everything in due time!!! Patience and endurance 

Friday, March 3, 2017


This is something that's been on my mind lately!!! Mmmm giving it a lot of thought!!!
I need a companion with compassion!
Need someone I have something in common with!!!