How did I get here

I often look at my life and wonder how did I get to where I am. Did I not try hard enough? I guess I can say not. I can't even buy myself a coat. I eat what I have to oppose to what I want to. I am 42 years old. I feel like this is not where I am suppose to be. I feel stuck, how do I get out of this rut. I work and work with nothing to show for it. I struggle from day to day like everyone else. But it just doesn't feel right. I am not happy in my skin  right now. I feel like just going somewhere and never coming back, but there is that thing called family. I can't abandon them, though most would just to clear their head. I need clarification of my life. Where is it headed other than to the new world. Right now everything seems wrong. I think I have built up such a wall with my emotions, I find it hard to show it. I want to cry and can't. I want to scream and beats things up and can't. I want to make more money and can't at least none I can keep.

I feel lonely and out of place. Where do I belong? I just go with the flow right now. What else is there to do? 

Maybe I need some "happy pills". 

 

Wanna do something else

Today I feel kinda glum. I wanna change jobs. I have been applying to other places. Driver, patient transport, looking to do some  stuff from home.  I hope it works out. I would rather go home after my first case, sometimes my second case is a bit much to deal with. Imjust need to find some tyoe of supplemnet to make up for the income. I have been trying everything. I am hoping to get back into Tupperware soon. Only $30 to start. I think I will do really well this time, although I said that last time. I just want to do something else, is that wrong? I have been in the medical field for say 10+ years. I enjoy working for myself, just hasn't been steady. Until something else comes along, I'll be doing this.

Just sitting here

Sometimes I just sit here not knowing what to do. There are days where I would rather be in the bed. Getting up early is getting tired. I think typing on this keyboard because of the  sounds makes me want to type. 

I like this keyboard, sounds just like a real tyoewriter.

Gotta go do some work now. Until next time!

At Library

I like to come here and look at the books. I am not one to read novels, I like the instruction books, the ones that teaches you stuff. Whether it's cooking, learning a new skill or improving an old one.I guess you can say I like learning new things. 

What are some of the things I like to learn: Sewing, crocheting, cooking, mainly baking. Also, love the business books. I like sales. I think sales is a win win situation.

Well my time is up, time for my second case. Oh yeah, I work as a home health aid. Trying to find something else to do. I also realize I get bored quickly with one activity. I guess that's okay!!!

My thoughts

My mind is often wondering off places. I wonder what others are thinking, feeling, have seen in their lifetime. Then I have those moments where I don't care. I guess we all go thru those moments. 

Well this a blog about what goes on in my head. My feelings, thoughts about people, life, things. I invite you to listen to "The Voices In My Head"