He thinks I'm cheating

So he thinks I'm cheating!!! Had a convo a week ago, a heart to heart if you will! Told me how he thinks!! When I'm out and I take a long time or say I'm going to one of my crafts stores, he thinks I'm elsewhere!!! So I ask with who, he says he doesn't know, anyone!! That's some sh*t!!! He wants to be  back in the "game" I'm good with that but want me to do it first!! Ha!! This man is a real joke!! Yup..time to go!!

I got my notary business, looking for an apartment, so expensive tho, and need a car!! Yeah I can't do this! 

My soul is empty 

I'm unhappy 

I feel lonely

All of who I am not!!! 

Need a Side Chick

So hubby is doing all he can to make me happy, even was able to get us another vehicle! Great! Now looking for us to move and gonna get assistance with that!! Great! Still don't want to be married to him! 

If I am gonna stay to compensate for his hard work and changes, some changes! I need a side chick to cover what he can't!!!

What I need

I need to made love to by someone qualified

An occasional hi

Sometimes an occasional hi would be nice!!

Lifeless

Im sitting here listening to my favorite music feeling lifeless! I feel like I have no one to sing to now! When you can't express your feeling you feel dead, at least I do! I feel dead inside! Life is starting to mean nothing to me! I feel like I am going back on my plans for myself for 2017! The harder he tries the guiltier I'm feeling for wanting to leave! Maybe that's the whole plan!

I'm coming to the realization I'm not here for me, I'm here for everyone else! When I said "I do" I knocked myself out of the equation! Not sure if that makes sense!

I find myself falling further and further into a depressed state!

I don't want him touching, talking, breathing, looking at me! What has me feeling this way!! Could it be years of verbal abuse, emotional neglect! I just want to throw my hands up and give up!

I'm strong for everyone else but me! Ha

Set my heart free

I wanna set my heart free!!!

About Last Night

So hubby and I "get together" as he is holding me, caressing me, it actually feel uncomfortable! Numb so to speak! I feel it on the surface but it doesn't penetrate!

Tonight he wants to hold me and listen to the music I listen to! I said yes but I guess the way I said it suggested that I didn't want to!

The poor man is trying but I feel like it's too late!!!