What am I going through

Just thinking about my life that's all

It's not the worst..... But.....

Maybe I am having a midlife crisis

I need that hug that "washes all your problems away"

Bury my head in someone's chest

Someone I actually like lol

Need to made love to until I fell asleep, huh yeah.

Realizing having something in common with your mate is so important especially when you get older and the kids grow older because then the focus is on the two of you. And you have to get along and like each other.

I don't know maybe I am just talking out of my head again.

What am I going through? 

Not related

So bad I wish I had someone that I can relate to. It makes life better!!! 😀😀😀

Why we allowing personality killings?

Why do we allow our spouse kill us.

Kill us how you may ask. Well, once we compromise our personality, in a sense they are killing our spirit of who we are. They kill what makes us fun, vibrate, joyous. 

They kill our likes and try to make them dislikes because they don't like it. It's not fair but some allow that to happen. I say then just kill the rest of me. Because I am  just a dead man walking. 

Feeling Lonely

Have you ever been surrounded by people and still felt lonely? It seems as if no understands you or that you relate to anyone. It's a horrible feeling!!! 😕😕😕😕😕

What I like

What do I like....

The color pink. Bright and cheerful

Fruity drinks ( alcohol and non alcohol)

Sewing

Knitting (self taught)

Driving

Road trips

People- depending on their personality 

Lounging

Intelligent conversations 

Making money

Spending money, guess that goes without saying lol

Trying new things, must be legal

Eating, love trying new dishes, especially from other cultures. 

Cuddling

Love songs, Luther, Whitney, they can't be beat!!!!

Kissing 

Watching tv- too many shows to name

Crazy Thinking

My mind have been going a mile a minute lately. My emotions all over the place. Suicide have even been on my mind a lot. But I already know that's not an option only because I have children, although they are grown, I still consider their feelings and I guess that's fair. 

Where do I begin? What do you do when your heart and mind decide not to communicate with each other? When you KNOW one thing but your heart goes on the opposite direction despite you trying to rationalize with yourself. You do a reality check but your heart doesn't listen. 

At times I just talk to God and ask him to take this feeling from me. It's hard to deal with. I guess when something is engrained in you and you try to change its going to be that way from time to time. 

There are times when I wish I didn't exist. Times I wish I could go back in time and make different decisions. I guess we all do from time to time. 

You can't make the people you want to fall in love with you. My heart hurts daily!!

I guess I want what I want. But for the rest of my life I have to settle because of not knowing myself enough to make a better decision. DAYUM!!!

New job!!!!

Where do I start. It's been a while since I posted something, almost a year. So what's been going on since then. Well, I have changed jobs from per diem Home Health Aide to full time Commercial Property Inspector. I like it much better because I am not in one place for a long period of time. One thing I have noticed about me is that I can and do at times get bored very quickly if it is something that I am not that passionate about. 

We get to travel a lot. So far it's been Jersey, Maryland, Virginia and DC. Since I enjoy driving and taking pictures, this job goes hand in hand. 

It pays pretty well once they process the work. We can make anywhere from $30 to $60 a job. Plus when we go out of state there's bonus pay per job. So this is awesome. 

I so love the freedom!!!